Valentines Day: A Guide To What We’re Not Doing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship or partnership. But when you willingly take part in a national/ worldwide pity party, that’s where we have an issue.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be loved, wanting a happily ever after, wanting to be desired; let’s be real most of us want that over love anyways. There’s nothing wrong with wanting any of those things but…… at what cost are you willing to pay for it.
“Happy forever alone day.” “I’m gonna be single forever.” If whatever you doing dating wise isn’t yielding the results you want, what makes you think saying stuff like this out loud, tweeting, identifying with it, or comparing your love life to someone else is gonna yield those results either, instead of acting desperate and tweeting tweets or captioning things that make you seem like an internet beggar begging for love, why not just focus on what you do have. If you’ve made it to this point to where you are reading this guide, you’ve already been through the wrath of 2020. So If you can read this in good health, you’ve very much WON. Instead of coming from a place of lack thereof, why don’t you come from a business and appreciate what you have?
Ok, “So you don’t have someone to appreciate you on Vday……… ok”. So now what are you gonna do sit and sulk? Ngl I get it anyone who is in a relationship nowadays is deemed “ lucky” I get that, especially in today’s volatile dating environment. If you combined the Hunger Games, Battle Royale, and Lord of The Fly, that would probably give you a better depiction of today’s dating landscape. But what does any of that have to do with you? Nothing. If you need to limit social media that day on purpose. Do that if you need to isolate yourself from people in relationships because you have an issue with feeling secure within the constraints of desirability and partnership. If this is your first Valentine’s day “single” and you're not feeling your best, that is more than ok, but don’t feed into your peers' comparisons. As kids and Teens, people used to make Valentine’s day somewhat serious but as an adult people seem like they covet what whoever in the public eye or whoever is in their circle has while invalidating themselves in the process.
Not Above The BS: That Used To Be Me Too!
Don’t get me wrong; I like everyone else. I am not above the bullshit. Once upon a time, I used. to say to me, “ Did I do something wrong” “Why don’t I have one” “ What can I do to get one?” “ Am I ugly” Which clearly wasn’t the case? I do understand society pushes this narrative if you don’t have someone, there is something wrong with you, especially for women, but you get to a certain age where you're like where is questioning the core of who I am and everything exceptional about me over one day out of the year? And where has the tasking part in the global/national pity party gotten for me?
I genuinely feel that people feel like re suppose to be loved and propped up on a pedestal even though that’s not what they do for themselves. If you want the universe to insert whatever religion or ideology to believe in, you will have to put in the work to respond to you. I don’t want to sound very hallmark card or Kodack moment, but if you don’t do it for yourself, who will do it for you. If you’re not going to treat yourself how you deserve to be treated, who will do that for you? Answer that…quickly.
In my honest opinion, I feel that people going out looking sad on the internet looking silly over who got what, and what someone is calling for Valentine’s day and chopping themselves down as a result of that, means they lack in the self-esteem department. It’s definitely a huge indicator of a more significant issue at hand that might need a therapist's help to address. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel less than on Valentine’s day, but at the same time, we have to be accountable and not choose to feed into it or condone it and be confident in that decision as well.
It’s All About You: &It’ll Continue To Be So.
Do something for yourself, buy yourself something, eat, indulge in your hobbies, journal, work on a personal project, indulge in online shopping *which is my personal fave nothing is better than the rush of endorphins as soon as you make only; one purchase.
Do something that you feel is going to prioritize your sense of happiness and joy most of all.
Also, side note doesn’t contact anyone who was a toxic ex, fling, hook up, etc., from the past; if you do, that gonna further push you down a rabbit hole and probably make you spiral. I personally wouldn’t recommend it if you're trying to do better.
Just make sure to pamper yourself and tbh put yourself on a pedestal you put these people in relationships on. You’ll definitely feel a lot better sitting on the Mount Olympus of self-esteem that you’ve created for yourself trust. No, but for real, though.
Let it Go!
— Nah but fr let it go!
An issue with people showing their relationships online is that it unintentionally gives people that false perception that everything is alright when we really never know what is actually going on behind the scenes, and that is what’s really dangerous. We definitely need to let go of the option that relationships are picture perfect when in reality, they might only be perfect pictures, and that’s it.
All That Glitters Ain’t Gold…….Or Even Goldplated..
I really despise the saying “I wish I had their relationship” or “I want what that couple has” or any variation of either phrase. I'm not too fond of those phrases because we never know what anyone is going through behind closed doors and what might entail. It’s always people who have a great “good guy,” “good girl” repetoire, or stellar public image, which are extremely violent, physically or verbally abusive, as well as vile, behind closed doors 🚪. Why would you speak that over yourself? You might not have what’s in the photo to the left…..but you also don’t have to answer anyone, consider outside emotions, think about someone else, or explain anything to anyone. Everything isn’t what it seems. I just wanted anyone reading this to know that you don’t know the personal expense anyone in a relationship might have to pay for to be in that relationship—just a little food 🍱 for thought.
Well, I hope if reading this did anything, it was to give yourself the flowers you aspire to receive to someone else someday. It also inspires you not to really give into pitying yourself for being single… because there’s nothing wrong with that and giving you insight and informing you what you think a lot of these relationships on social media and IRL are just for show. They aren’t showing all parts of it either.
